life after uni

Life after uni: everything you should expect

It’s over. Three years of hard work, an unhealthy amount of sleep, and enough alcohol to sink a battle ship. You’ve done it.It’s time to turn your back on the good life, and head out into what you’re frequently hearing referred to as: ‘the big, bad world’.

It can’t be that bad, can it? Well the real world is a very different place to waking up at 2 pm, eating a pot noodle for dinner, and spending your day on Netflix. You have responsibilities now.

Here’s everything you should expect for life after university.

A normal sleeping pattern

You’ve spent three years going to sleep way past 3 am, and waking up whenever the hell you feel like it.

But now you’ve graduated you’re going to have to wake up before dinner time. Preferably before breakfast.

We know… it’s absurd.

The early bird catches the worm apparently. We’re not sure what that means, but we do know that your parents will go mad if you’re still in bed when the 5 o’clock news comes on.

Debt

Think you were skint during uni?

Think of life when you’re jobless and in a heap of university debt. You probably have an overdraft too. Because, well… you can’t do finances.

Use your free time early in the mornings to figure out ways to wriggle out of debt.

You could apply for that job in financing your friend told you about. Won’t be much good at that though. Or there’s always that job at the local pub collecting glasses!?

Might be best to just ask mum and dad…

A job you don’t want

So in the cold light of an early day it’s dawned on you. You need to get a job. It doesn’t matter what job, you just need one.

The debt is giving you a headache, and being forced out of bed at 8 am on the dot to pretend to job hunt is getting boring. And fast.

This is a rite of passage for most graduates; the hellish job serving fast food until the wee hours (yay! Your awful sleeping pattern’s back), or the mind-numbing data entry job your uncle “used his connections to get you” – they’re just stop-gaps. It’s just a phase.

You’ll hate it that much that sending off job applications will become your evening hobby…

The hunt

You have a degree. A good one too! How hard can it be to find a relevant job that doesn’t make you want to throw up in your shoes?

This is the hunt. It’s dull, frustrating, and full of people who don’t want to reply to you.

Stick with it. For the love of God, stick with it. You do hate wanting to throw up in your shoes, don’t you?

Only drinking at the weekend

You might want to sit down for this one.

In the real world, people, in the main, only drink at the weekend. And even then it’s an occasional thing.

Think you’re going to be spending your evenings in bars with some swanky ‘young professionals’ knocking back Martinis?

Nope. You’re going to be eating Doritos, sending your CV to every relevant industry job you can’t think of, and be in bed for 10 pm.

A new kind of nag

Remember the time in your life when the only questions people asked you were about either what drink you wanted from the bar, or how rough you feel?

Now you have to face 101 questions from your parents. Hourly.

“Why are you still at home?”

“Why is your room not tidy?”

“Why do you want to drink at 4 pm on a Monday!?”

“Is there anything other than a pot noodle you can make your ageing grandmother for dinner?”

“Why is there a traffic cone on the bonnet of our car?”

It’s enough to drive the best of us up the wall.

It’s a whole new kind of nag.

Bills

While we’re on the topic of nags, we may as well touch on everyone’s least favourite part of post-university life.

Now you’re no longer a student you’re going to be charged for a whole load of stuff. Did you know you’ll have to pay full fare on the train? And when you get a job, nasty people at the Government tax you!

The cheek!

Life after university isn’t all bad. Once you’ve found your feet we’re sure you’ll soon have the job of your dreams and will be rocketing towards stardom!

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